The Trials of Eating Out and Small Changes at Weddings That Make a Difference

Editor’s Note: This post is the second in a three-part series by Associate Coordinator Natalie Raz. Drawing from both personal experience and practical insight, Natalie shares what it’s like to navigate gluten and dairy allergies—and why awareness matters when gathering around the table.

The Moment in Bermuda I’ll Never Forget

Three months after I went gluten and dairy-free, my family, twelve of us, took a trip to New York and then to Bermuda. New Yorkers seemed to have no idea what gluten was or if their food contained it. I got so sick in New York to the point where I did not feel like eating. At the time, gluten-free options were not widely understood, and I was still adjusting to what this new normal meant. I will never forget the kind woman at a Jewish deli in New York who could see how sick I felt and brought me soup.

From New York we flew to Bermuda and stayed at an all-inclusive resort. Often at meals, we were served three courses. I explained my food allergies and the server seemed to understand. The first course was crostini. I assumed they would simply skip that course for me, because that’s what usually happened everywhere else.

Instead, they brought me bread. BREAD!

I remember looking at it and asking carefully if it was gluten-free, because I genuinely couldn’t believe it was possible. And they said yes, it was gluten-free bread.

I nearly cried at the table. Ok, maybe I actually cried.

I hadn’t had bread in three months. I didn’t even know that gluten-free bread like that existed. But someone had heard me, understood me, and made sure I didn’t miss out on the first course. It wasn’t just about the bread. It was about being included. 

I ate very well on that trip. Sandwiches, hamburgers, everything everyone else had. My eyes were opened to the possibilities and I was hopeful.

That experience has stayed with me ever since.

Natalie and her family in Bermuda

The Sinking Feeling No One Sees

Food is a really big part of weddings. Catering will take up a significant amount of your wedding budget. Dessert deserves to be a main character and not an afterthought. Navigating weddings as a guest with food allergies is stressful. I have left events hungry before.

When that happens, it becomes hard to focus on anything else. Instead of enjoying the celebration, I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat when I get home, or whether there’s somewhere open nearby where I can grab something safe. Hunger is distracting. It’s exhausting. It’s defeating when you walk up to a buffet at a wedding, where you expect good food, and realize there is literally nothing you can eat. Usually, if I have no information on the menu or the bride didn’t ask if any one has allergies on the RSVP, I plan to either bring snacks or my own meal. Yes, there have been instances where a couple of Trader Joe’s PB&J bars have been a meal.

It’s a sinking feeling in your gut that’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it. You don’t want to make it about you. You don’t want to bother anyone. It’s their wedding day. So you smile, grab a drink, eat the snacks you brought, and quietly navigate it.

Often at weddings, I’m overlooked when it comes to carbs. I’ll be able to have the protein and maybe the vegetables, but there’s no roll, no pasta, no starch that gives you long-lasting energy. Even the potatoes often contain dairy. By the third hour of a reception, when everyone else is still celebrating, I can feel the difference physically because I didn’t get a full meal.

And dessert? It’s rare that I can have it. Which is tragic, because I am a sucker for chocolate. If there is a safe, gluten and dairy-free chocolate dessert, I will absolutely do a little happy dance while I eat it (see Instagram). I’m rarely silly and carefree in most areas of my life but good, safe food brings out the joy (and the Cupid Shuffle, but that’s another blog).

When someone goes out of their way to provide something I can eat, something that’s thoughtful and delicious, not just an afterthought, I tear up almost immediately. It feels like being seen. When someone handles my meal personally and reassures me they checked all the ingredients, that takes the cake and puts me at ease; they get it.

That feeling is why we take extra care in the preparation and presentation of your meal, menu display, dish labels, and desserts when planning your wedding. There are lots of ways to be inclusive with your meals. Potatoes with olive oil and not butter, salad with croutons and cheese on the side, and possibly dressing options on the side.

Let’s talk about cross contamination; it’s not theoretical. Food allergies aren’t just about ingredients. They’re about handling.

I have been sick from cross-contamination. I have watched serving utensils get moved from an unsafe dish to a once safe dish that is now contaminated. I have seen gluten-free cookies placed on the same platter as regular cookies, touching each other and passed on partaking. 

One of the most common mistakes I see is not having enough serving utensils. It seems small, but it matters. When guests are moving quickly through a buffet, they don’t think about keeping spoons separate. And suddenly the dish that was safe isn’t safe anymore.

Clear labeling matters. Separate platters matter. Separate utensils matter.

And if there is an individually wrapped gluten and dairy-free cookie or cupcake? That is next-level hospitality. When something is packaged and I open it myself, I know it hasn’t touched anything else. There’s no guessing. No anxiety. Just enjoyment.

That feeling of safety changes everything and at your wedding you can guarantee I watch for it because I want to eat too!

Cookies are a fun part of a wedding dessert buffet! Photo by Erica Wall Photography

What We Do Differently at Weddings

Because I know what that sinking feeling feels like, I approach wedding menus differently than many planners might.

If I know there are guests with food allergies, I establish myself as a point of contact for them. I’ll tell them directly that I’m in the same boat, and if they need anything, they can come to me. If something on the buffet feels questionable, I’ll get their food straight from the kitchen before it’s set out. I ask detailed questions of the caterer. I want to know exactly what’s in each dish, because sometimes even they don’t know without checking.

Recently, we had a wedding with wood-fired pizza baked on site, including a gluten-free option. I made sure the gluten-free pizzas were not placed in the regular buffet line. When a guest approached me asking for the gluten-free pizza, which was not yet ready, I asked where she was sitting. As soon as it came out, I plated it myself and delivered it directly to her table. She was so grateful that someone had taken the extra step to make sure it was safe.

Pizza by Veraci Pizza; photo by Megan Jo Nealy

That’s the difference.

It’s not just about “having an option.” It’s about thinking through the experience of the person eating it.